Coin Tosses and Consequences 🪙

August 1, 2025

Hey there,

Some choices don't feel like choices at all. They feel like coin tosses. 🪙

We feel like we can rationalise through the decision-making, we draw our PROS and CONS columns and try to make sense of situations.

Concepts like Game Theory try to suggest that there is almost always a correct decision to make — that randomness is overrated. That if you just calculate hard enough, dig deep enough, you'll find the optimal move.

And yet, we keep on flipping coins. Not because we need to, but because we want some relief from the responsibility of choosing.

There's a certain comfort in letting the universe decide, I feel. "Let fate handle it." — we say. But deep down, coin tosses are often mirrors of situations — they reflect the choice we secretly hope for. That split-second snapshot of disappointment OR relief when the coin lands, that's a reflection of our intuition at play. Like that quote:

When you have to make a hard decision, flip a coin. Not because it will decide for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping for. - Unknown

I've seen this play out in my own life — at career crossroads, relationship situations, or whether to go all in on a project, I've told myself, "If X happens by Y date, I'll take it as a sign."

But signs are only signs when they confirm what we were leaning toward anyway.

Most of us don't fear bad outcomes, we fear being the one to pull the trigger on them. Because then, if it fails, we have to own it, to be responsible for it. But here's the twist: even when you outsource the choice, you still live with the consequences.

The coin doesn't carry the blame nor the credit. You do.

As I mentioned, I can think of many moments in my life so far that felt like such coin flips. For example, in the autumn of 2022 — in what was about to be my last academic year, Glasgow housing was a mess, and my inbox was piling up with university admin reminders. But every time I opened my laptop to "sort it all out," a part of me wanted to completely shut it off — just the thought of having to look through all those sketchy sites to find myself a room made me nauseous.

In the end, I was at a crossroads:

• Option A: To pick some small and inconvenient room in Glasgow and go through the last year of uni as fast as possible.
• Option B: To stay in Sofia, take a gap year and use the time to work — both to be able to finance said last academic year, and to finally explore my job opportunities.

In hindsight, the coin had already been tossed — I kinda just prolonged the coin toss too much, causing myself unnecessary anxiety.

I knew internally that both options would lead to some type of chaos and disarray, both would change my day-to-day in the short term. But Option B had the feeling of potential, as if it were a black box that would give me unexpected opportunities when I opened it, while Option A just felt like autopilot, going through with everything the way society and peer pressure dictated it.

Eventually, I chose the second option, took my gap year — and then once 12 months passed, I was able to go back to Glasgow and finish things up, now with newfound confidence, a full-time job behind my back, and resolve to get the academic journey over with.

Some part of me wanted out. Not to quit, but to pause. To reclaim control of my pace. To prove to myself that I could build outside the academic system, with my own hands and keyboard. And this entire emotional rollercoaster was my lesson in coin tossing — I would have been able to rationalise both choices, and they both optimised for different things. It was just a matter of believing in myself, whatever side the coin fell.

The lesson? Sometimes the most important thing isn't choosing correctly, it's choosing consciously. Own the coin flip. Watch how you feel while the coin's still in the air. That flicker of truth might be the only compass you need. 🧭

Weekly Insights

• Finally back from my week away! Honestly, it was the first real rest I got in a while — got some days of chill tanning at the beach, visited San Marino and Ravenna, so I got both the travel bug and the "rest" bug out of my system for a while. 🐛
• I sincerely thought I'd spend more time during my vacation on my laptop — there is always something to do, after all. But I actually used the time to rest, and it felt like a lowkey extended meditation for those few days.
• Well, anyhoo, I'm back to HQ, and after this breath of fresh air, I have to dive back into work, side-projects, and fitness — back into rhythm, essentially. 🧘‍♂️

Book Highlight: I Am The Messenger

"The Messenger" or "I Am The Messenger" (as it's known in most translations) is one of the books I read back in 2019 when I had set myself the challenge of reading a book a week (spoiler, I burnt out fast like 5-6 books deep haha).

It's a lesser-known book by the author of "The Book Thief", which follows the story of Ed — a regular 19 y.o. dude who lives a boring and stagnant life in suburbia — basically, he feels like a nobody. That is, until he starts receiving suspicious mail — playing cards with addresses or names written on them, where if he goes, he finds people to help in various ways. The book follows these sequences, as he goes from strangers, to neighbours, to helping his own closest friends, as he realises his potential as a pillar of his community, a person whose life has a purpose in helping others by restoring their faith, encouraging them, even stopping crimes.

It's not a typical vigilante story, and it has multiple plot twists regarding the mysterious mail. The topic of "the chosen one" is explored, as Ed eventually has to "choose" to be the chosen one, to accept the role he has been assigned.

Definitely worth a reread, which I plan to do by the end of the year — heavy recommend if you like thrillers. 👍

Worth Watching This Week

The psychology of how brands manipulate you by Matt D'Avella — a sharp breakdown of the quiet psychological levers brands keep pulling on us.

me finding inner peace or whatever by Bonus D'Avella — a low-key, casual companion video on the more personal side of finding some calm.

Closing Thoughts

Till next week, stay safe, stay curious, and keep kicking. ✌️